I don't normally do this...

...but I'm feeling the urge to post and say that I'm not going eat sugar again until Christmas Eve. Now that I've said it out loud, I guess I have no choice but to keep my word :)

My diet has been out of control lately (read: I've gained 30 pounds in two months) because I'm doing a very, very stressful therapy to treat my Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Since the normal vices that people use to bury painful feelings are off limits (ya know, the classics like booze, drugs, bulemia/anorexia and doing the naughty with random strangers), it would appear that I've taken up some serious emotional eating. I actually didn't realize I was an emotional eater until I did Operation Keep Shirt. Going without sugar for a few weeks without gestational diabetes as a motivation was significantly harder than I had expected. I think I might have to consider it an addiction. All I know is that during OKS, I felt a new emotion for the first time in my life and that's what kicked off this compulsive eating thing I have going on now. I don't have this huge range of emotions like most people. I have "happy", "loveybuggy" and a bunch of negative feelings that move quickly into anger and/or tears. When I take the sugar away, there is more feelings there. Now, I know this is healthy and all, but it is very scary to have a new feeling. I guess I'm kind of set in my ways. The thing is that I deeply, deeply want to get rid of the PTSD. I'm sick of being so jumpy/paranoid/testy/unpredictable/gimpy and all the roads seem to lead back to the PTSD.

Anyways, I'm trying to find a middle ground. I might feel like blogging about it, I might not. I just felt like doing it right now.

Operation Keep Shirt

Most people who know me know that I'm impulsive, lacking willpower and addicted to sugar. I've been trying various ways to curb the sugar intake and gain some control over my diet lately. I also really love clothes. Unfortunately, it is really hard to find cute, affordable clothes at the fat girl store. I did find this spiffy shirt though. It doesn't look like much in the picture, but it is super cute. I bought it as a bribe to see if bribery will work for me! I basically made a deal with myself that if I eat healthier and don't buy any random donuts or dessert items until September 13th then I get to keep the shirt. Until that date, the shirt keeps its tags and I keep the receipt. If I fail the shirt challenge, it goes back to the store. I really do not want to take this shirt back to the store!!

I'm on Day 4 right now and I'm still on track. I did spend some time at the grocery store this morning browsing for things that would be healthy to eat but still make me happy in the sugar category. I found something hella tasty and since it is pretty cheap, fast, healthy and delicious, I'll share it with you all:

1/2 cup of Dannon Light & Fit Strawberry Yogurt (55 calories)
1/2 cup of Kashi Cocoa Beach granola (230 calories)
Mix together and eat!

This stuff is seriously delicious and actually very filling. I ate it for breakfast this morning. It has enough chocolate flavor to keep me happy, it has nuts to help feel satisfied, coconut flakes that I love, and whole grains + yogurt for the health factor. I'm sure this would even be yummy with 1/4 c. of the granola too which would lower the total calories to 170 instead of 285.

I just thought I'd share all this since I've finally crossed over to the dark side and gone on a diet like every other person I know!