Random Stuff

Okay, California, I've finally settled on two things I miss about you. First, the constant availability of lebni and Indian food. Out here in SD, I have to wait about three days from the time I start making lebni until I can eat it. It is also far more expensive to make it than to buy it. Oh lebni, how I miss you. As for Indian food, my dishes are NEVER as good as the cheap-o Indian buffet. So sad.

Oh well, at least Crimson and I got to eat at the Chinese buffet last night for less than $15. Good times. We also went to the movies and the book store and Orange Julius. It was a good mom-daughter day. I saw Last Airbender with her expecting to suffer through it and I ended up really liking the movie. Go figure. I miss having mom-daughter day every day that she is here. She's been enjoying reading a lot and playing with her friends though. She's a great sister too. Cyrus and Rejeanne both spend a decent amount of time playing with her, but she says that it is hard to get Rejeanne to play.

We've also semi-purchased a different car. I say "semi" because it's really not purchased until the bank funds the loan. Until that point, they can take back the car. I actually know someone that happened to years ago so I'm trying to not get attached to my kids having leg room and me having a driver's side window with some A/C and cruise control. Hopefully I'll know by Friday if we get to keep it. If not, it will be like having a free rental. I'm thoroughly enjoying it and have this weird feeling that I'm going to have to give it back. I think I just feel that way because I haven't had a car loan since 1997 and it feels really awful. I don't like car loans. It sure is a cozy car though...*sigh*

I start the freakishly early morning schedule tomorrow. It's the only way I can work out and my back is very unhappy from lack of swimming lately. I think I have to be up by 5am for my new regimen. I hope I can do it because I'm starting to feel like I don't have a choice! My back needs love. At least I've lost 10 pounds since the 6th. That's bound to help.

Ebb and Flow

I know most people are terrified of change. They dread the unknown, even when all signs point to it being a good change! I've always been the opposite. I see change as this big adventure with an unknown prize at the end. Sometimes, the prize is a dud, but what fun it was to find out! I think this mentality stems from varying degrees of boredom and unhappiness. After all, if a person was totally happy with life, why would they be excited for change and all the unknown factors that come along with it?

I have noticed that as I become happier about life that I'm a little less excited about changes on the horizon. I don't want my relatively pleasant apple cart tipped. I used to face challenges and changes with this game face of strength that never wavered. No matter how unpleasant the change was, I was confident I'd find a way through it and come out better on the other end.

Right now, things are in absolute chaos. Nearly everything is in motion and for the life of me, I can't estimate where it is going to end up. I feel like this is one of those times in life where EVERYTHING will be drastically different by the end of the year and there is nothing to do except ride it out and see where it falls. This is the part of change I don't like. The kind of changes that happen *to* you and will happen no matter what kind of decisions you make to improve (or sabotage) the situation. Those unexpected, sudden changes that change not only your entire life, but the entire way you look at life. I feel one of those, maybe more than one, hurtling towards me, but I can't for the life of me guess what it will be.

Part of becoming a more mellow person in general is that I'm not as tenacious about things. When Life drops an unexpected bomb, tenacity is a big part of keeping things going on a good path. I worry that my ability to face the storms is lessened while my ability to reach out for support has stayed the same (that ability is nearly zero). So, what am I doing to make it right? This bizarre regimen of self-improvement.

Basically, I've decided it's time to regain some of the drive that I've lost. My drive was built on the aggression and anxiety of PTSD, so basically built in fear. Since my PTSD, while still lingering, is greatly improved and downright managed for the first time in my life, some of the upsides have fallen away (like my drive!). I've spent some time thinking about how to recreate the drive and passion that used to rule my life (in a rather unstable fashion I might add), without the fear as the motivator. Can you build drive and passion with happiness as the motivator? Or love or service? Heck, can you even build drive and passion at will??

I think it can be done. I don't think it will be easy for me because my drive was always about survival and an avoidance of homelessness. Life is about more than that for me now. I feel like I'm at a point where I need to cultivate a relationship with God that is about more than survival. I need to find my talents. I have no idea what those could be or how to find them. I'm keeping an open mind, trying new things, trying to recapture some old things that made me happy, etc.

So, I've just decided to try to live my life each day as close to this ideal picture of what life should be that I have in my head, and see how close I can get. After all, if you aim as high as possible and you fail, you'll still end up average, right??

The Dream House

Thinking of my dream home, my thoughts go straight to Dome Awesomeness, of course! I’m pretty much obsessed with domes. (Even the ugly peanut dome in Vermillion)


It’s pretty unlikely that I’ll live in one because having a ton of circular furniture would probably make Lee nauseous.

If I do have a normally shaped house, I must have stairs like these:



With a library like this


or maybe this




I’m torn between a strictly Art Deco styled place

(See this link for a decent description of what Art Deco interiors entail. http://interiordesign.lovetoknow.com/Art_Deco_Style_Interior_Design )




Or a Mexican Folk styled interior






Or an Indian type decor


Or a combination for the first two, or the first and the third.

No pictures exist for such an abomination, of course. I doubt anyone would find it amazing, except for me!

I guess I like the lines of Art Deco and the brighter than life colors of Mexican and Indian textiles and art.

I LOVE whirlpool bathtubs, like this



But it would have to be twice the size. Same goes for this super cool shower. I like it, but make it twice the size!




I really want a pool table. Of course, mine would have to be super spiffy and/or unusual:




I plan on having a dome greenhouse full of orchids






A garden full of flowers


Orchards, especially cherry & apple



Raising peacocks…


Chickens…


Morgans…


Abyssinian cats…


And a fleet of dachshunds for protection (one isn’t scary, but imagine 20!)

Random Stuff

All For You by Sister Hazel makes me want to go twirl in a field somewhere.

I really, really, really want this Medical Record paralegal job in Sioux City. Like, really, really, really want it.

I like the randomness of Pandora internet radio. I just put in one song I like and it plays a bunch of random stuff it thinks I'd like if I like that song.

I really miss hearing The Cranberries all the time. I think I'm finally old since I find myself occasionally missing 1995.

I can get sucked in to family history research for HOURS at a time. HOURS!!!!!

I'm thinking about cataloging all the random itty bitty cemeteries I've been driving by in my random drives around the county and putting it on the internet. Sounds fun, right?? (Probably only to me. I get that a lot.)

I wish Rejeanne didn't hate having her hair brushed. I have delusional ideas about elaborate little girl hairstyles.

Rule #4987: Never believe your husband when he SWEARS there isn't a rogue dirty diaper somewhere in the house causing a horrible stench. Chances are he hasn't looked and you'll find it a week later when it occurs to you that he probably never looked. (It was behind a pile of books. Kid you not.)

My Uncle Megha, who was born and raised in India, has been writing stories about his family and youth in India. They are really interesting. They make me wonder what else he has in his mind that I never got out of him in the last 30 years. I can't wait to see him on the 24th! I haven't seen him in enough years that my husband has never met him. I'm pretty excited about this!

My SD bestie is moving to Wisconsin and I'm trying not to sit around crying about it! My lovely husband is on a campaign to force me to have a social life. This is from a guy with no social life. I think he just doesn't want to see me cry when Jessica leaves!

See. I told you this post was random!

RANDOM!

Me! (in 1980 :P )


Me in 1994, 8 months pregnant with Kellie


My dad and mom (she's pregnant with me here)


My first cousin Linda (I've never met her!) sent me this pic of my grandmother and aunts (I never met them either) on my dad's side.


Me in the familial Swedish folk outfit. This puppy is in a museum somewhere in Missouri now. It's probably from about 1850-1880 or so.


Esta es mi madre y mi hijo durante Navidad 2008. (I really need to work on my Spanish!)


I kinda look bald in this one.


My mom with my grandaunt and granduncle